Peep hole to a life

Stone age???

2008-04-11T20:28:00.005+05:45

I read this post in Ekantipur.com.
What does this ring in your head??

विदेशीले देखेको ढुङ्गेयुग

विनिता दाहाल

दसदिने 'शान्ति र विकासका लागि महिला पदयात्रा' कार्यक्रमकी प्रवक्ता रहेकी थिइन्, पत्रकार जोजे । कसैस“ग पनि खुलेर कुरा गर्न नचाहने उनी, मैले जान्न चाहेपछि भने आफ्ना विचार व्यक्त गर्थिन् । विगत २५ वर्षेखि उनी क्यानाडाको मन्टि्रयाल सहरकै एक नाम चलेको म्यागाजिनमा पत्रकारको रूपमा काम गर्ने थाहा पाए“ । उनी त्यहींको एउटा अर्को पत्रिकाकी स्तम्भकारसाथै नाम चलेकी ब्लगर पनि रहिछन् । नेपाल कस्तो लाग्यो भन्ने मेरो प्रश्नमा उनले भनेकी थिइन्, 'म अहिले ९५ वर्षघि -१९१३/१४) नेपाल भ्रमण गरेर आफ्ना अनुभवबारे लेख्ने महान लेखिका एलेक्ज्यान्डर डेबिड निल -उनलाई लेडी लामा भनेर पनि चिनिन्छ) को 'द हर्ट अफ हिमालयज' पढ्दैछु । सहरी क्षेत्र बाहेकको म्याग्दीजस्तो विकट गाउ“मा अहिले पनि किताबमा लेखिएको स्थितिभन्दा परिवर्तन खासै पाइन । परिवर्तन यतिमात्रै हो कि त्यो बेला नेपाल छिर्नका लागि विदेशीहरूलाई अनुमति थिएन । तर अहिले नेपाल धेरै मात्रामा आर्थिक रूपमा पर्यटकको भर पर्ने गरेको रहेछ ।'

उनले नेपाल पर्यटन व्यवसायमा यति धेरै निर्भर हुन नहुने पनि बताइन् । अप्रिल २२ तारिखका दिन मनाइने 'पृथ्वी दिवस'का लागि कुबेक सहरमा प्रवक्ताको रूपमा काम गर्ने उनले पर्यटन व्यवसायको तत्कालका लागि हुने फाइदामात्रै नहेरी भविष्यमा देखापर्ने बेफाइदापट्ट िपनि हर्ेनपर्ने बताएकी थिइन् ।

पत्रकार जोजेलाई क्यानाडा फर्किएपछि नेपालबारे कस्तो लेख लेख्छौ भन्ने प्रश्न गर्दा उनले सोचेको शर्ीष्ाक सुनाइन्, 'नेपाल स्टिल इन द स्टोन एज' । कुइने भन्ने गाउ“मा हामीलाई स्थानीय गाउ“लेले कसरी मानिस बिरामी हु“दा धामी-झा“क्री लगाउ“छन्, केही वर्षअघिसम्म कसरी उनीहरू निगालोका कलम बनाएर लेख्थे र अल्लोको बोक्राबाट कसरी नेपाली कागज बनाउ“छन् भन्नेजस्ता पर््रदर्शनी गरेर देखाएका थिए । यो पर््रदर्शनीलाई अन्य पदयात्रीले चाख लिएर हेरे पनि जोजेको राय बुझ्दा, उनलाई यी गाउ“ले सा“च्चै ढुङ्गेयुगमै छन् भन्ने लागेको बताइन् ।

उनकै मुलुकका अन्य सहभागीले यसरी ढुङ्गेयुग भन्न नहुने बताएपछि भनेकी थिइन्, 'चाख लिएर एकछिन हेरेर भावनामा बग्नु र यी गाउ“लेकै परिवेशमा बा“च्नुमा धेरै अन्तर हुन्छ ।' हुन पनि हो, यहा“का मानिसलाई राम्रो उपचारका लागि कोसौं टाढा पुग्नर्ुपर्छ । बाटोघाटोको व्यवस्था नहु“दा मान्छेहरू अकालमै मर्नुपर्ने बाध्यता छ । पढ्नका लागि साना-साना विद्यार्थी ३/४ घन्टा हि“ड्नर्ुपर्छ । द्वन्द्वको प्रभाव यी बालबालिकामा अझै पनि उस्तै देखिन्छ । जोजे भन्छिन्, 'यी बालबालिकाले उनीहरूको उमेर अनुसारको महसुस गर्नुपर्ने निर्दोषीपना नै गुमाइसकेका छन् । त्यसैले भन्न त म एकछिनका लागि बहाना गरेर देखेका र भोगेका कुरा मनपर्‍यो पनि भन्न सकु“ला, तर यथार्थ यही नै हो । यहा“का मानिसको चेतनाको स्तर निकै पछि छ ।'

उनले चौरखानी गाविसको अर्को पनि अनुभव सुनाइन् । एकदिन गाउ“मा एक्लै घुम्दै जा“दा उनी दलित महिलाको घरमा पुगिछन् । घरको धुरीका साना प्वालबाट धूवा“ अटेसमटेस गर्दै बाहिर निस्किएको देखेर जोजे ढोका नजिकै गएर चिहाइछन् । भित्र दलित महिला धूवा“भित्रै रुमलिएर खाना बनाउ“दै रहिछन् । अन्य घरको पनि कुरा बुझ्दा उनले गाउ“लेमा भान्छाकोठामा चिम्नी राख्नुपर्ने ज्ञान पनि नभएको पाइछन् । त्यसैले उनी भन्छिन्, 'गरिब हुनु नै सबै समस्याको कारण होइन । चेतना नहुनु सबैभन्दा ठूलो कुरा हो ।' उनले थपिन्, 'म थुप्रै गरिब र पिछडिएको मुलुकमा पुगेको छु । तर यहा“को गाउ“लेको जस्तो सानोतिनो आय हु“दाहु“दै पनि कष्टकर जीवन भोगेका मानिस भने देखेको छैन । किनकि त्यहा“ गरिबी नै भए पनि मानिसले यातायातको सेवा लिन पाएका छन् । चेतनाको स्तरमा अघि छन् ।' तर यो सबै हुनुमा नेपालीको भन्दा पनि नेपालको दोष भएको भन्न भने उनी छुटाउ“दिन थिइन् ।

म्याग्दीको बारेमा बनाउन लागिएको वृत्तचित्रकी निर्देशिका मिरियम र क्यामेरा वोमन डेबोरास“ग गाउ“मा घुम्न जा“दँ हामीले स्थानीयवासीको स्वास्थ्यस्थिति एकदमै दयनीय अवस्थाको पाएका थियौं । एक घरको आ“गनमा हामी पुग्दा स्थानीय महिला पि“ढीको थाममा अढेस लागेर रोइरहेकी थिइन् । नजिकै हामी पुगेपछि उनले आफ्नो पीडा लुकाएर हा“स्न खोजिन् । मैले के भयो दिदी भने“ । उनले पहिला केही जवाफ दिइनन् । घरमा साना छोराछोरीका साथमा उनी एक्लै बस्दिरहिछन् । ६ वर्षेखि उनलाई गलगा“ड आएको रहेछ । उनलाई आजकल पनि कहिलेकाहीं असाध्यै दुख्छ रे । अनि उपचार किन नगरेको भन्ने प्रश्नमा उनले भनेकी थिइन्, 'पैसा नभएर ।'

द्वन्द्वको समयमा गाउ“मा बस्नसक्ने अवस्था नभएर लुकिछिपी साहूस“ग ऋण गरेर श्रीमान परदेश गएका रहेछन् । ७ वर्षेखि उनी त्यहीं कुरेर बसेकी छिन्, तर श्रीमानको कुनै अत्तोपत्तो नै छैन । उनी भन्छिन्, 'साहूले घर लिलाम गर्ला भन्ने डर भइसक्यो, कुन खर्चले उपचार गर्नु । त्यसैले दुख्दा सहन्छु/रुन्छु, दुख्न छाडेपछि घरखेतको काम गर्छर्ुु' यी सबै कुराकानीलाई डेबोराले आ“गनको एक छेउबाट खिचिरहेकी थिइन् । मलाई लाग्यो, यस्तो तीतो यथार्थ उनीहरूले आफ्नो देशमा देखाउ“दा त्यहा“का मानिसलाई नेपाल र नेपाली जनजीवनबारे कस्तो प्रभाव पर्ला -

पत्रकार जोजेले म्याग्दीमात्रको १० दिन भ्रमण गर्दा त ढुङ्गेयुगमै रहेको नेपाल महसुस गरिन् भने योभन्दा विकट अन्य गाउ“ घुम्दा कस्तो पाउलिन् - यसै पनि विकासका हिसाबले नेपाल पछाडि नै परेको मुलुक थियो । झन् दशक लामो द्वन्द्वले नेपाललाई धेरै पछाडि धकेलिदियो । तर पनि नेपालीको यो विकटता र कष्टकर जीवनमा पनि सधैं मुस्कुराएर अतिथि देव भवः भन्ने उक्तिलाई चरित्रार्थ गर्ने आत्मीयता अन्य मुलुकमा पाउन नसकेको कुरा अन्य पदयात्रीसाथै जोजेले पनि प्रशंसा गरेकी थिइन् ।

Nepathya

2007-07-13T18:40:00.000+05:45

I have created a blog for Nepathya..one of the biggest influence of my life. It is addressed
nepathya.wordpress.com.

For the time being I and Rinchen di are writin in it. With university exams comin ahead, I dont know how long I will keep writing there (and here also). But I am sure Rinchen di will write.. If any one else is also interested to join us..to blog about Nepathya..lemme know..

Nothng more to continue readin right?? If u are interested and think u can write abt Nepathya..come join us.

Its Rainin.....

2007-06-27T16:54:00.000+05:45

राती खुब मज्जासित पनि पर्‍यो। दर्केरै पनि पर्‍यो भन्दा हुन्छ। पनि नपरेर गर्मी चढेको बेला, मौसमको पहिलो राम्रो बर्षा सबै आ-आफ्नो तरिकाले मनाउन ब्यस्त होलान। कोही पानीमा भिज्दै आईसक्रीम खाँदै घुमिरहे होलान, कोही साईकल, बाईक (जे छ तेसैमा) भिज्दै घुम्दै होलान, कोही कोठामा बसेर माटोको गन्ध मिठो मान्दै सास फेर्दै होलान। म पनि आफ्नै तरिकाले ब्यस्त नै छु, तर मेरो सर्वप्रिएे काम भनेको सुतने र बर्षाको आवाज सुन्ने हो। हुनपनि बिस्तारामा पल्टेर आँपको पातबाट र दुईतला मुनि जमिनबाट अनि जहाँसुकैबाट आउने झर्-झर आवाजको मज्जा शायदै कतै होला। झन त्यसमा'नि रातभरी पानी पर्‍यो भने प्रक्रितीको लोहरी सुन्दै निदाएको जस्तो अनुभव हुन्छ।‍‍ ‍

यो अनुभवसित जोडिएरआउने अर्को अनुभव भनेको समयको हो। यसरी पानी परेको दिनमा म कहिल्यैपनि समयमा उठेको छैन, उठ्न मनपनि छैन। आखिर उठेर पानीमा भिज्दै क्लास जान कस्लाई पो मन लाग्ला र? घडी हेरु? दोधारमा छु। हुनत के हेर्नु छ र, आखिर पनि नरोकीएसम्म म उठ्ने होइन। बरु guess गर्छु, भयो होला ७:१५ जति, ठयाक्कै guess भन्नु पर्दा ७ बजेर १७ मिनेट गयो होला। तर मात्रै ७:१७? पानी परेको बेला कहिल्यै पनि ठीक guess गर्‍याछैन।बाहिर जस्तै देखिये'नि घडीमा ८ बजि सकेको हुनपर्छ। पानी परेको बेलामा मेरो circadian rhythm कहिल्यै ठाउँमा हुँदैन। सबैको नै तेस्ताइ हुन्छ होला, सधैं टाईममै उठ्ने मेरो roommate'नि अझै मस्त निन्द्रामा छ।

आहा.... पानी झन दर्किन पो थाल्यो। क्लास जाने हो र?? एस्तो पानी परेको दिनहरु त्यस्तो धेरै आउँदैन, फेरी बिमारी'नि धेरै हुँदैनन यस्तो दिनमा त। Ug को फाईदा यही हो, चाहेको दिन चाहेको बेला कतै नगएर सुतन् पाइन्छ। अहिले पो कुनै जिम्मेवारी हुँदैन, पछि पानी पर्‍यो भन्दैमा सुतेर बस्न पाइने दिन कहाँ पाइएला र? बाहिर दर्केरै पानी परिरहेको छ, झ्यालबाट बछिटा हानिरहेको छ, ढोकाबाट पनि पानी केही पानी कोठाभित्र आइरहेकोछ। तर जबसम्म मेर किताब र कपडाहरु सुरक्षित छन्, केको मतलब गर्न पर्‍यो र? यो मौसमको पहिलो बर्षा मेरो कोठाभित्र नयाँ हावा छर्न चाहन्छ भने मलाई केको समस्या?

बर्षाको पानीमा बज्ने मकैका पात यो बिरानो ठाउँ उप्लब्ध नभए'नि कोठा अगाडि र पछाडि नीमको रुखका पात बजिरहेकैछन। कती सार्‍हो मीठो हुन्छ पानीले पातमा हानेको धुन कि मलाई कुनै समयपनि निद्रादेवीको काखमा सुताउन सक्छ। तर मेरो लागि सबैभन्दा मिठो धुन चाँही यो पनि होइन।
टिनको छानोमा बर्षाले बनाउने आवाज धेरैको लागि हल्ला जस्तो लग्ला तर मेरो लागि त्यो रक म्युजिक भईदिन्छ; जति ज्यादा र बेस्सरी भयो त्यतिनै मिठो र सन्तुष्टिदायक।
म कतिसम्म पागल हुन्थे त्यो धुन् सुन्नको लागि भने लगभग ६ बर्ष पहिले कोहलपुरमा डेरामा बस्दा एक् एस्तै पानी परेको दिन भएभरका भाँडा र बल्टिनहरु छतमा लगेर उल्टो पारेर राखेर भर्‍याङ् नजिकै बिस्तारा बनाएर सुतेकोथिये।त्यो घरमा ढलानको छत भएकोले कुनै त्यस्तो आवाज आउदैनथियो। त्यस्तो बेलामा भाँडा र बल्टिनहरुबाट आवाज निकाल्ने प्रयास थियो मेरो। मन बहलाउने बर्षाको धुन जे होस् काम चलाऊ आएकै थियो मेरो त्यो arrangementबाट।
फेरी त्यति खेर बर्षातको आफ्नै महत्व थियो।पहिलो चोटि जिन्दगीमा कोही मान्छे बिशेष लागेको बेला ति बर्षातहरु मात्रै होइन हरेक गोधुलिपनी बिशेष हुन्थे। कल्पनाको एउटा छुटै संसार थियो मेरो। घाम कहिल्यै नअस्ताउने, बर्षात कहिल्यै नरोकिने मेरो संसारको त्यो नदी सुसाउने डाँडाको भिरमा बसेर गर्जदै बगिरहेकी नदीलाई हेर्दै हामी घन्टौघन्टा बात मार्‍थेँउ। अनि हातमा हात गरेर त्यो चिप्लो, च्याउ उम्रिएको बाटो भएर उकाली ओरली गर्‍थेँु। खैर घाम उदाएर अस्ताउने, पानी परेर रोकिने यो संसारमा त्यो सम्भव थिएन,भएन।
बर्षात बद्लिएर चाडबाडको मौसम आएझै,मेरो जिन्दगी पनि बद्लिएर भिन्नै मोड लियो। ति भावनाहरु त मरिसके तर सम्झना अझै बाँकी छन्।

बर्षात सम्झनाहरुसित जोडिएको छ, कल्पनाहरुसित सम्बन्धित छ। धेरै धेरै अरु घटनाहरु पनि याद छन् तर मनमा nostalgic हुने इच्छा छैन।बाहिर पानी पारीरहेक छ। जाडो अलिक बढे जस्तो छ। खै कतिखेर तन्नामै गुटुमुटिएछु। न्यानो छ, तन्नानै भएपनि। बर्षातको धुन बजिरहेकैछ, माटोको गन्ध आईरहेकैछ। बिस्तारा चाडै नछोडिने भैयो।

यो बिदामा घर गैएन। अब अर्कोचोटि घर पुग्दा निक्कै जाडो मौसम हुनेछ, घरबाट बाहिर निक्लने, घुम्ने मौका त्यति धेरै हुने छैन। अनि अहिले जस्तै बिस्तारामा गुटुमुटिएर बस्नु भन्दा राम्रो उपाय केही हुने छैन।
बहिनीको शब्दमा "घरको पाहुना बन्न थालेको ५ बर्ष भैसकेछ। हरेक बर्ष बिचमा २-४ हप्ताभन्दा बढी घर बस्नै पाइदैन।यसरी पानी परेको बेला बसेर बहिनीसित गफ गरेकोपनि ४ बर्ष अगाडि हो। त्यतिखेर ४ बर्ष कि थिइ बहिनी, अहिले ८ बर्ष भैसकी। त्यैपनि सार्है सानी लाग्छे, म भन्दा निक्कै कान्छी भएर पनि होला। एक्ली बहिनी, त्यस्मा पनि म भन्दा १२ बर्ष कान्छी भएपछि सधैंलाई सानी भै हाली, मेरो आँखामा कहिले ठुली होली र?

अन्तिम चोटि पानी परेकोबेला दाई बहिनी बसेर गफ गर्दा कालीले के के सुनाए'की थि। त्यतिखेर नै मलाई घर बाहिर बसेर राम्ररी पढ्नलाई प्रेरणा दिएको थिइ। अनि गाउँमा रक्सीले मान्छे बिग्रेका कुराहरु सुनाउ'थि। मेरो लागि सानी फुच्ची देखिएपनि गजबको परिपक्क छे। हरेक कुराको आफुलाई पायक पर्ने बिश्लेषण निकल्न सक्छे। "तिमीहरु जस्तो उमेरमा त सबैलाई बेचेर खानसक्छे तिम्री बहिनीले त" भनेर सबै आफन्तहरु सुनाउछन। हुन पनि निक्कै बाठी छे काली त।

मलाई सबैभन्दा मनपर्ने भनेको उसको गफ सुन्न हो। त्यो सानो मीठो, मसिनो आवाजमा गाउँको र मान्छेहरुको बारेमा सुन्न खुबै मज्जा आउछ। त्यहाँ यस्तो भयो, यहाँ उस्तो भयो, फलानोले येस्तो भन्यो हलानोले येस्तो गर्‍यो सबै सबै भन्छे। अनि अन्तिममा, "अरु चीजहरु चाँही याद आएपछि भन्छु है दादा"

यो सम्झनासँगै जोडिएर आउने अर्को सम्झना भनेको (पाहुना)घर छोडेर फिर्ता आउनु हो। त्यसरी त घरबाट म कहिल्यै समयमा फर्केको त छैन, तर एक दिन फर्किनु अवश्य पर्छ। अनि हरेक 'त्यो दिन' अगाडिको रात मलिन अनुहार बनाएर बहिनी सोध्छे
"दादा, भोलि नै जनपर्छ र? एकदिन अरु बसे हुन्न?"
मन त गर्छ के जानुभन्या घर छोडेर.........तर.......
"होइन कालु, अब त जानपर्छ। ढिलो हुन्छ नत्र, रेलको टिकेट'नि छुट्छ फेरि।"
"मलाई तपाईंसित कति धेरै कुरो गर्ने मन थियो, नपाईने भयो।"
"के कुरो थियो भनन?""भैगो। गफ गर्न थालेपछि समयको यादै हुँदैन। भोली फेरी तपाईंलाई ढिलो होला। अर्को चोटि आएको बेला भनौला नि त"
घर, गाउँ, ठाउँ छोडेर जन सार्‍है गार्‍हो हुन्छ, मलाई। अरुलाईपनि त्यस्तै हुन्छ होला सायद।

निक्कै अप्ठ्यारो हुन्छ त्यो रात। किन फर्कन पर्ने होला, नगएरै बसिदिन्छु जस्तो पनि लाग्छ एक दुई चोटि। तर जिन्दगी यसरी पक्कै चल्दैन। यही मेरो एउटा सान्त्वना हो। मैले बाटो तताउनै पर्छ। जिन्दगीका विवशता भन्नु पर्ला।

पानी रोक्कि सकेछ। झ्याल र ढोकाबाट कोठाभित्र निक्कै पानी आएछ। जे होस्। दोधारमा नपरी घडी हेरे, साढे आठ भएकोछ। pharmacology class छ, ९ बजे। आधा घण्टामा नित्यकर्म गरेर पुग्नै पर्छ।

निक्कै अप्ठ्यारो हुन्छ अब क्लास जान। किन जान पर्ने होला, नगएरै कोठामा सुतिदिन्छु जस्तो एक दुई चोटि लाग्छ। तर पढाई यसरी पक्कै चल्दैन। यही मेरो एउटा सान्त्वना हो। म क्लास जानै पर्छ। पढाई को विवशता..............

PS: मेरी बहिनीलाई मैले काली भनेर बोलाउने गरेपनि, काली त्यस्तो काली छैने। बरु म भन्दापनि बढी गोरी छे। तर घरमा हामी सबै उसलाई काली भनेर बोलाउँछौ।

Drinking and Driving

2007-06-21T19:05:00.000+05:45

I met him almost 2 years back. Then I had just came here and knew very less people and had very very less guys to talk with. And he happend one with whom I could talk in my mother tongue. Being from Bhutan, his command of Nepali as good. He'd come to my seniors' room(Bhutan, Nepal, Sikkim are considered one clique). Though I was staying with other senior, they had class that afternoon.

We talked of many aspects. He was studying engineering in PEC (Pondicherry Engineering College). All of sudden he started talking about Bhutanese refugee in Nepal. Knowing the Bhutanses point of view, I had planned not to talk about this matter here but his points of view were realistic. He knew about them and he knew that they were true bhutanese. then we talked about those people, their life and he predicted Maoist takin benefits of refugee and trying create problem in Bhutan. By ends of 2 years news comes in bits and pieces of news come from about a starting insurgency.

But he is no more. It feels so bad to write but he passed away in a RTA (Road traffic accident). Along with him his pillion rider also passed away.Though no one is sure if they were intoxicated, but the spot of accident says he was drunk (I didn go there,Vishno told me).

Last time I saw him was about 3-4 weeks ago. He'd come here in JIPMER stayed with his Bhutanese friends for about a week. He stayed just 4 rooms next to me, but I didn't talk to him much as most of the time he'd be busy partying.Just some hi and hello was all we talked this time. And that remained the last memoirs of BSA(Bhutanese Students Association) prez of Pondi, for me.

Drinking and Driving, that also a two wheeler is very very dangerous, and when helmets are not mandatory (like here), DnD is just near fatal. Pondi on other hand is known for it 'Thanni' (alcohol in tamil). They dont make helmets necessary for bikers and this type of incidents will just increase. At least in East Coast road some curbs should be imposed as most of the accidents take place there.

Besides administrative means, people also should be conscious. It reminds me of different slogans I read in the Prithivi Highway and other highways back in Nepal. One getting intoxicated, not only his but also many lifes are put in risk.

My request to all ..DONT DRINK AND DRIVE

SOMEBODY IS WAITING FOR U IN HOME AND HOSTEL.

May he rest in peace..

Coffee Guff

2007-06-19T19:30:00.000+05:45

In the gone 15 days vacation, the other thing, besides Micro-Paeds-Micro schedule, I did was this Coffee guff. Coffee guff was a column published in Saturdays' Special(aka Koseli) with Kantipur daily. I have been reading Coffee guff since 1996 and it happens to be one of my most enjoyed reading (after Palpasa Cafe, tat also by Narayan Wagle). Even these days I have many in my newspaper archive and still love reading them.
So what i did in this vacation was Translation. Absurd time pass some might say, but do I care?
Anyway..below is a Coffee Guff.....Written by Narayan Wagle and translated by MrRDX.

Ever busy Inchong International Airport, Seoul was very crowded. Reading the flight charts, I enqueued myself in a line. It took time for me to reach the bright faced Korean in the airline counter.
“Aneong haseo”, I greeted her in Korean. When I was just getting lost in her beautiful eyes, she complained , “Your suitcase seems heavier”
“That means?”
“May I weight it?”
“Weigh me?”
“No”. She very sweetly replied “Suitcase”
Her sparkling eyes went to my suitcase. The queue behind me was long. I wont feel good to hear somebody swearing at me for making things late. But when eyes of this 24 aged Korean has stopped, why on the earth should I hurry?

Eleven years back in Seoul, a similar Korean had taught me o eat with a pair of bamboo sticks. I can still feel the soft and gentle touch of the very friendly girl when I was in Seoul National University for one and half month with 12 scribes from 1 different Asian countries.
This girl also has similar hands, finger are very alike. Even the way they move are similar. Some fingers are turning pages of my passport, others were busy arranging boarding pass. I looked at her face. With a pleasant smile she said, “This suitcase is alright” accepting y first bag. “But this bag as hand bag must be heavier”
“It just has a heavy look”
“Can I measure it?”, her eyes were still n my ‘handbag’ed suitcase.
“Ok. Why not?”. I quietly dropped it in the weighing machine. She was checking the scales.
“This has a lots of love letter.” I said.
“Love letters?”
“I cant forget my Korean loves.”
“You must be having lots of friends.”
“I felt ‘No’ looking at your face.”
“Do you feel so?”
“I’m reading your eyes.”
“Oh !! God!” she exclaimed.
“I speak from my heart.”
“I aint that lucky enough.”
“I can read your face clearly.”
“How?”
“Ahh.....”, I was about to say something when another Korean in her counter said something to her, in Korean, aloud. The other women must have been bored by us. Maybe passengers behind me were also getting bored. But things look all right still.
“Ya....” she drew my attention and asked, “What were you saying?”
“I said.......”, I said, “Ya, I said..... you have understood it all”
“I am a bit dumb.” And she continued her fingers in my passport and the boarding pass.
She looked at me. Her curious eyes seemed asking me, “how do I look?”
“Ohh! You are a journalist.” she said. Looking at my passport and continued, “Journos go around many places and meet many people.”
“And forget many people is what you want to add next in your sentence?”
“Clever.”
“But some faces. Believe me, some faces just cannot be erased from head and heart.”
“Ya..... But I aint among such. I aint like that.”
“What are you like then?”
“How can I say how am I like?”
“You are like.....” I was saying something when I noticed some people from my line joined another, maybe because of our chat. A fatso was giving an irritated look from behind. But how can I help them?
“Ha.....ha......ha....ha”, she was laughing. Her teeth were shining. Well creamed and powered cheeks, red dyed hair and body stretching with every stretch of lips. Beautiful figure she had.
I looked behind to see the line changing people, who were just behind me. They were talking something but only thing in my mind was to sleep tight in the fight.
“Gentleman,” she said, reading the scales on the machine, “As I said, your bag comes heavy.”
“By how much?”
“Listen sir,” with her pleasant smile continued, “according to rules of our company, only luggage below 7 kg can be made hand bag.”
“Dear......,” I addressed her after reading the name in the nameplate stuck on the shirt over her chest, “I’ve told you earlier.”
“Love letter?”
“Yes and it must have been what that weighed more.”
“Handling many is tough, you must be knowing.”
“These are from all around the globe. I was here to attend World newspapers’ Associations’ annual conference and obviously paper would become more.”
“And It has got Korean love mixed in it.”
“Ha....ha....ha. Clever man. And just sometime ago, you were trying to add me on your list.”
“If I am allowed.”
“But your bag is already overweight.”
“I just want a letter from your eyes before flying.”
“Ha....ha...ha.”
But her laughter was interrupted. Her friend must have told something. Bringing seriousness in her eyes, “Sorrry. What can I do now?”
“To tell you clearly,” I said, “A laptop is also there.”
“Notebook? It should not have been that heavy.”
“You wanna see? I can unzip it.”
“No...no. don’t trouble yourself.”
“My laptop is an old one, so its heavier.”
“You have a good taste on old things, it seems.”
“Only till I get a new.”
“Even here notebooks lesser than 1 kg were available.” It was me again.
“Why didn’t you buy one?”
“I hail far from this techno world, from the hills.”
“Your spellbinding words say it all.”
“Thank you.”
Her friend interrupted again. A piece of mind was also given, her face suggested.
Trying to hurry she said, “Lets do like this.”
“Lets do like what?”
“I’ll write in this tag.”
“That you love me?”
“Ha..ha...ha..ha...ha...ha.” she gave a laugh, big enough to draw attention from other people. Bringing seriousness again she said, “somebody may enquire you about this heavy handbag in plane. So I will sign in this tag.”
“So I am getting your autograph?”
“Litter it when you land in Kathmandu.”
“Why cannot I keep it with me?”
“You cannot use it next time.”
“I was thinking our relation would last long.”
She was smiling but was again interrupted. Her friend then came to me and said, “sir because of you, the line is getting longer. And its getting late for others.”
“I am sorry.”
Looking at her again I said, “my suitcase consumed your time.”
“But this gave me a chance to talk to you.”she whispered in my ears, making sure her Korean friend wont listen.
“Kamsahida.” I greeted her in Korean.

While I was on the way to immigration office, she was weighing suitcase of another passenger.

Growing Haemophilus

2007-06-12T19:57:00.000+05:45

Isolating Haemophilus has been very tough for me. Apart from being fastidious, their minute colonies around Staph. streak are always a confusion. And adding up to it was lack of special media, bacitracin agar or Levinthal Medium. Out of 120 samples I’ve process till now, I’ve been able to isolate only 4 Haemophilus. And the first two isolates were not isolated by the way it is practiced routinely!!

Sattelitism
(Small lines fading out from the main white Staph streak are Haemophilus colonies)

Before starting the story, Haemophilus influenzae (referred here as Haemophilus only, as my study is on this species only) is a potentially disease causing bacteria found in throat of normal population. They can cause pneumonia, meningitis and croup (laryngo-epiglottitis); all of them potentially life threatening. To grow these bacteria in lab, a special property called ‘satellitism’ is utilized.

Haemophilus needs two factors for growth, empirically termed factor V and factor X. Staph. (Staphylococcus) produces factor V. So when a Staph streak is made in culture plate, the growth becomes maximum near it and wanes away from it. This property has been termed Satellitism.

First Isolate

Sample no. 25 from a 7 yrs old female patient. Culture plate initially showed other bacteria. Though I was not convinced much when madam asked me to do a satellitism also so as to miss nothing, I did it. The results came as per my belief.

Another culture plate was also made of the same sample for group A Streptococcus. I convinced that group A Streptococcus will grow. But to our disappointment, it did not grow properly due to some contaminant Staph colony growing in the plate. And near one of the contaminant Staph colony, small, minute colonies grew in rings. And characteristically, Its growth waned away from the contaminant Staph colony. And there was my first Haemophilus isolate, not on the satellitism plate but on another plate of GAS (group A Streptococcus) subculture having a contaminant Staph colony.

Second isolate

Sample no51 obtained from 11 yrs old girl. I t wasn’t convincing of Haemophilus either. But with a sector of plate unused, I gave it a try. Picked up a minute colony near the Staph streak and put up satellitism. It wasn’t in my to-do list. I did it; more because I was free and a sector of culture plate was free.

Next day….

“Ma’am, don’t they appear like Haemophilus?’ I asked my guide.

“Though you can observe some satellitism like growth, these are not Haemophilus. The green zones surrounding the colonies are very uncharacteristic of Haemophilus.”

“But it appears as Satellite growth, the colonies are in lesser number away from the streak.”

“I told you na, the growth is like Haemophilus, but the green zones you can see around them are uncharacteristic of Haemophilus.”

“Still if you want to do, try a satellitism again.” she continued.

“But no plated left ma’am.”

“Leave it.”

But… I wanted to satellitism again.. but I was running out of culture plates, courtesy record breaking16 samples collected a day ago. I consoled myself saying “after all I had already made one satellitism for this.”

I’d put up a CAMP plate for GAS. In a CAMP plate, 4-6 samples of GAS can be tested. But I’d only one GAS to confirm by CAMP test. I thought to put up a satellitism in the CAMP plate.

It was really tough job as the area available was very less and I was not to touch anywhere else. If touched whole plate my go wasted, in the time when I was running out of plates. But I did it somehow, in the same small area left free in the CAMP plate (about one third of the area than required). And there grew my second isolate of Haemophilus.

Rajesh KC

2007-05-30T13:30:00.000+05:45

I am a big fan of Rajesh K.C. cartoon. I cant remeber from when I started going through his cartoons but from the time i remember myself reading Kantipur regularly, I have been a huge fan of him. Be it any social issue or any political issue, the simplicity and humour has been his strength.

here,in Pondy, I regularly make time to browse thru his site and enjoy the cartoons.

below is one.. A picture is more than thousands word as they say.. But this made me doubt..only thousands??

originally published in http://www.rajeshkc.com/cartoons/?p=707

Katterikuppam, ReaLisatioN

2007-05-30T13:18:00.000+05:45

This was the first time, I couldn’t digest expectations. Earlier similar things would afloat me, make me feel good. After all, expectation means belief. They expect coz’ they believe.
They expected me coz’ they believed me. But as a matter of fact, I am far from reliable in the field. I am like a babbling baby who has learnt some words. Similar is my status. All I know is some words and their meanings. Long way to become somebody reliable.

They were not sarcastic at me while asking for my opinion. Sarcasm is something not found in village. I learnt it and use it in town only. They were just gullible, a typical of village people. Far, in the land, not less than 1500 miles away from home, the facts that somebody coming from same place, same social and economical background might have made them expect more: somebody who could understand their dialect and lingo might have made them tell the story and ask me about that.

I had no reason to feel bad. If they expect, it only confirms what I ought to do. It only means I gotta be more responsible for the numerous beliefs and expectations. I had been struck by realization. Furiously amazed earlier, I started feeling happily bad! Feeling bad for the my temperament (albeit it was short lasting) and happily because furiousness has turned into realization,

Again the same bus, except its not much crowded. Easy way back room!!

Katterikuppam, ExPeCtaTions

2007-05-30T12:59:00.000+05:45

It was almost like a jungle inside the factory premises. That part of factory made the ‘non factory’ part having a school, a temple, residential buildings, play grounds and a canteen; all for the workers and their family. But they appeared as a isolated buildings inside a jungle. We reached residential area which appeared like a electronic gadget zone in the jungle.

We went to Bir bahadur dai’s home first ( it came first on the way). As I’d never met him, the introduction session went longer ( kasko chora, kasko nati, pahad ghar kaha, mawali ko tyo gaun ko falano lai chinchau etc etc will definitely make things late!!)

Bhauju prepared cold lemon juice and served. It was refreshing. So without any hesitation, I asked for more for record 4 times....total 5 glasses of lemon juice.

We were talking bout different things altogether when he said
“Babu mero dhaaD ko samasya dehaunu thiyo.” (I’d some back problem and had to consult a doctor.)
“Tara ma ta 2nd yr matrai ho. Maile kasari bhanna sakula ra?” (I’m just 2nd yr student. How can I opine on that?”
“Tehi pani.. Yesso ek choti herdina paryo.” (But still...)
How could I’ve said anything about his case?? I never ever had any orthopedic postings. Still I obliged, for his sake. So I asked for the old reports and scans( rather than proceeding through history and all those stuff). A recent MRI taken in Chennai had reported L5 IVDP (intervertebral disc prolapse) with a hemangioma at previously operated site.

Hemangioma in spinal cord reminded me of an episode of House M.D. A young guy with severe twitchings of limbs and excruciating pain was diagnosed with spinal cord hemangioma. Beside that my all ideas were blank. And I enquired about twitchings and pain.
No twitchings at all.. Pain was present but not the excruciating type. It was chronic and he’d adapted with that. So only way to satisfy myself was House M.D. rarely shows general cases( i.e. always shows rare cases or rare manifestations).
But one things puzzled me. Claudication like symptom. He complained of pain in right calf muscles even after walking very short distance. His right leg was cold and had definite generalized muscle wasting. Claudication normally means abnormality in blood supply to limbs which is usually due to vascular pathologies like Atherosclerosis. He had no such history or family history.

Can L5 IVDP and previous surgery (he’d severe back pain and doctors told him to get operated. He obliged without knowing the name of his ailment!!) with forming hemangioma have any relation to this claudication like symptom?? I still don’t know. Thought to talk to some guys here, but haven’t yet.
I leave him asking him to meet Dr. Patro, our orthopedic HOD.

Next we went to baburamji’s house. He happened to know my cousins. We were again talking about the usual stuffs, when he called his son and asked me to assess his growth and development. Having seen so many cases of mild to severe malnutrition and specific nutrient deficiencies, this around 12 years old boy was very normal; in my thought.
“He is 16 years old and came here after writing SLC. We consulted with many doctors, made pooja and what not but he didnt grow”
Though the child was shorter for age, it was still all right for me as he was physically fit and mentally fine.
“What do you opine for this child?”
Ohh!!!! again... I have been telling people that I am just 2nd year student. Why cant the understand that I aint a doc, I am just a student. I was amazed and furious for their expectations. They must have had consulted other big guns of the field and when they failed to diagnose or treat, they ask me to opine!!

But on other hand, looking at their face also, I couldn’t say “sorry this aint my job.”
I told them “Stature isnot a problem at all I he is mentally active and he can grow later anytime.”
I asked about his brother. Though he also was shorter than normals, he was taller than his brother.
“Hey comm’on man. That aint a problem at all. Even my brother is taller than me.” I just hope this consoled him to some extent.

By then, I had started to want returning back. At least no more cases please was what I was saying to myself. After all I am just a 2nd yr medical student who practically knows nothing other than names of some diseases and some conditions. I am like a 2 years ld child in medicine after all who knows just few words to utter and nothing else. But they wont understand it seems!

And when I was about to leave (practically tying my shoe laces), “There was a child of my nephew. 2 years old son. Bleeds after just small scratching.”
This case got me interested as this was what I could talk about! If not Hemophilia, it at least must be von Willebrand or any of he bleeding diathesis. But committing myself there could have been dangerous. So I just said, “Ask him to come to JIPMER, I’ll ask a professor to examine him” only to realise later that the child was in Nepal now. Anyway I gotta move and I did so.

Katterikuppam, Talkin' to myself

2007-05-30T12:10:00.000+05:45

The bus reminds me of Kirtipur Yatayat buses durin the rush hours. ‘Kirtipur Lauda’ as we used to call them was known for its fast services but this must not be. More than half an hour after I climbed into the crowded bus and 5 km is all what it must have had covered.
Though I’ve been living in Pondy for last 2 years, I still don’t have much idea about it, except the town. Today I’m goin to meet some fellow Nepalis(more appropriately “Bankelis’) workin in the Sugar factory in Katerrikuppam, rural pondy.
I dozed for sometime and when I wake up, its already rural part of Pondycherry which I haven’t seen properly. Some months back I’d been to Pullichapallam and Manthopu for my community diagnosis posting, but politically it was Tamilnadu.

Reached katterikuppam and made the way outside the bus thru the crowd and to the sugar mill. Carts and tractors of sugarcane are tracin the path which we would be by our foot. Govinda uncle told me that the mill pays the farmers in 3 phases, Pre-cultivation, After harvesting and during local festival. Farmers can buy fertilizers and arrange for irrigation by the pre-cultivation stipend.
Irrigation is big problem in this part of India. Last time when we went Kodai on class trip except Kauvery I didn’t see any river as such (some rivulets were there but dry). And Kauvery wasn’t near to what I had imagined,the reason being Karnatka wasn’t releasing the waters from the origin of Kauvery in the foothill of Nilgiris. No wonder India is so avaricious in our border when it comes to water.
Back to our world in Nepal I remember talkin to a JTA for my class presentation sake who told me if we can manage Rapti for irrigation,”Sun falchha banke ko Dhartima”. We have enough rivers,every 25 km a small river will be there. India makes dam at Laxmanpur and floods Holeri and all we do is birodh…some slogans and disrupt life with a strike or two, go dead till next monsoon and as the things repeat next monsoon we also repeat the same old story..the same slogans the same strike and the same quietness after some days only to repeat it next year. Sikta Sicahi Pariyojana, as my dad says,had started when he was in 10th class and except for the some new faces and new vehicles I the office NOTHING HAS HAPPENED. It started when my dad was in 10th and now I’m doin my bachelor 2nd year.
Sikta project, though I have never seen the site, I had been lucky enough to talk to the people who once worked for the project. Only thing that needs to be done is Direct the water with a dam is how they summarize the project. This mustn’t be as easy as they spoke,but by end of 30 years(approx), shudnt it had been completed.
Cant even construct a dam in30 years .We don’t have any infrastructures supporting farmers, not even in polices and almost 90% of Nepali depend on it. How can the economy thrive?? We import sugar from different countries rangin from India to Thailand to Korea but can’t set up a sugar mill on our own courtyard. We have got quality fertile soils for sugarcane in terai, we have got water source, we have got demand of sugar.
“Ippo Baburam dutyla irika?” (Baburam is in duty now?)Govinda uncle asked the security guard. We were in the main gate of the mill.
“Ippo ilya sir,Veedala Ponga”, (Not now. Go to his house)the guard continued’”Veeda enge irika,teriuma?”(U know where is the house?)
“Terima”(I know)
Many Nepali are workin in Pondy as security guard, it has become ethnic job for Nepalis. Here in Pondy, till date I know less than 10 Nepali workin ppl who is not a security guard and they also have a peonisque job. No wonder some naïve Rj in a radio (somewhere in India) made those remarks.

Katterikuppam, Initially

2007-05-27T15:59:00.000+05:45

I was supposed to be in microbiology lab inoculating the samples. But when I was about to get throat swab in ward 28(Paediatric Surgery ward), Dr. Jagdish aka jaggu ‘nix’ed it sayin he cannot allow me till I get a formal permission from him to use patients under his care. I had official permission obtained from Dept of Paediatrics but not from Dept of Paediatric Surgery and that ended my hopes of reachin my self stipulated target of 5 swabs a day. Dejected though, it provided me some free time.
Yesterday I’d been to Govinda uncle’s house in Indira Gandhi nagar. He has been my local guardian since I landed Pondicherry. All I have to do when in trouble is to call him.( And almost always ‘trouble’ refers to Economic ones). This was another instance of such.
We were talking about things here & things back home, people and politics, sea and Sagarmatha and all things that came on the way. Suddenly changin the topic we’re talkin, he asked me if I were free to go somewhere the next day. My afternoon classes wer long over (a week before), but I’d laboratory works to do. So I couldn’t say Yup.
But I did it afterwards.

2007-05-23T19:28:00.002+05:45

..had been to ENT ward (ward 24) to meet Dr. Bakshi. I found him talking to a man about 45 years.
“Sir, My daughter is getting married sir.”
“If you want to take the patient, I’ll discharge her. But do you understand when I say she is in critical stage.”
She was his wife, admitted with end stage laryngeal carcinoma. He, the husband, wanted to take her home for daughter’s marriage.

“Sir, I want to see her.”
“I’ve already mentioned you its female ward and male, whoever they are, are not allowed except for the visiting hours. And no one is allowed outside visiting hours except for a patient attendant, only if the attendant is female."

His daughter was already inside with her mother.
“Your wife was diagnosed with laryngeal carcinoma 2 years ago. Why didn’t you treat her in time?”
“Sir.. We did treat her. Some siddha medicine (herbal/ayurvedia type of medicine).”
“This is how you killed her.”
“She had no problem back then.”
“She is going to die now.”
I was shocked how easily he could explain her that there existed no hopes of recuperation.

But the story I learnt there was more shocking. In short, she was diagnoses with malignant carcinoma of larynx 2 years ago. Being in earlier stage, surgical resection would have cured the problem by then. But instead of going under the blade, they opted the other, the relatively easy appearing way: the herbal and related type of medicine (non allopathic). Except for some pain and hoarseness in voice, she had no major complain. But complains are not always required for a disease to grow to become an end stage one. For 2 whole years, they tried what not (other than the Surgery). The easy appearing way has turned the toughest one now. Survival is approximated for some months. They ae told she is gonna die every day, may be every 5 or 6 hours. All they can do is wait till she dies. A curable disease was rendered fatal because of negligence.
The lady, as doc sa'ab explained to me is well educated, well behaved, understanding and cooperative. She was a teacher in a school in her village.
He said, " It doesnot feel to see such people dying. But if he could or anyone could help....They had noone and nothing to blame. Surgery, here at JIPMER, doesn't require big bucks. Everything is free for patients here so that they can be helped. But this all happens when its taken for granted."

Please never ever let it happen to your own people just because they fear operation or don’t believe in the modern form of medicine. Whatever they say or believe, allopathy is the only evidence based medicine.

Kodai Diaries/ Day 1

2007-05-21T14:27:00.000+05:45

Somebody came to my room t wake me up. But I can’t remember who he was cos I was damn sleepy. Never ever had I woke up before 7:30 in 4th semester. Eyes still drooping, “Ok boss, I’m awake. Thanks a lot.” I shouted in my sleepy tone. 15 mins in bathroom and I was ready. Bags already packed (last night), I caught it and ran towards the bus. My cell phone had 2 new msgs. “Both must be saying come fast da” I told myself. I wasn’t wrong.

Bus was already packed and all seats occupied. But thanks to Cheenu, I got one seat behind driver. All was well there except for the compromised space for my legs. Though I’d thought I could manage, Unni and Rudro know how I had to manage! I aint complaining about the seat as all I wanted then was some space to sit and sleep and I got ample of it.

With all moods turned on, a disc was passed to the conductor to play it. And came the evergreen problem, Hindi or Tamil and English. The outcome was Dhoom machale being played repeatedly till I could not resist the spell of charming goddess of sleep.

The best part of my extra time sleep, as I believe, is I just don’t sleep! I multitask and sleeping is one of the tasks. And it’s very true that it occupies the major percentage of the processor speed. But in between I can hear people and see people. If I can not do both, I dream people. But I just don’t sleep, I multitask,

And till we reached (somewhere, dunno the name of the place) for breakfast, I was multitasking. The bus stopped. I got down. All got down and went for breakfast. I didn’t. I went back to sleep. But thanks to Unni, he woke me up again and sent me to break my over night long fast. Two dosas and back to business again. The only difference was, this time this was much intense. Sleeping occupied almost all of my processor speed.
Later only I knew about the big dance party, (made much bigger by our very own Mr. BIG!). Watching the videos now, all I can say is it was intense. As intense as my passion for sleep!

Lunch@Dindigul
Again somebody managed to wake me up before everybody finished eating. Ran to the hotel. A pakka tamil lunch consisting of Rice, Sambar, coconut chutney and etc. in a piece of banana leaf. Forget the taste; the experience is what it counts. And I had one.

Lunch@Dindigul

Back to the bus, but not to the business again. I’d enough of sleeping for the day. Gave my seat to the poor ‘altruist’ soul (of my ex-rommie) who could not (more precisely did not) get a seat for comfort of another soul.

Post lunch session. Most of the guys and gals were in post prandial siesta. And I, who like a fool, slept through the big dance party, appeared the only fresh and not sleeping. With most of the people dozing, I became alone (though many guys weren’t asleep, none were afresh, all tired). And it proved why they say, Idle mind is devils workshop. With a camera in hand, I started clicking all those sleeping and sleepy faces.(Hey Banu, I deleted your photos ok!) It became more intense when 2 other guys joined me. It was only some days later, I knew that even I was the victim of that, albeit in pre lunch session.

Hills had started. The landscape and climate had already changed. Nevertheless it had become more familiar type of for me. After all it’s nice to be in hill.

We stopped at a small bazaar. It reminded me of Malekhu. Similar location, similar setup, similar size except for Trishuli river. Malekhu is a small bazaar in the banks of river Trishuli, on the way to Kathamandu. Malekhu is famous for fish. Be it a cigarette shop or a general store, they sport varieties of fishes. After all it’s a different brand itself, The Malekhu fish. Seeing the fruit shop, this bazaar must be famous for fruits was my guess.

Back in the bus, I found DSM (Dr.Dharma Singh Meena, our accompanying faculty member). He was seated on the very front seat. So I sat on the bonnet and started talking to him. He is very open guy, can talk about anything to everything, without any hesitations. He was sharing his UnderGraduate (UG) experiences and his class tour to a hill station in Rajasthan (don’t remember the name of the place, aint sure, maybe in Gujarat also).
Suddenly “THUDD”
“Nothing, nothing man. It was varun only”
“What Varun? What happened?”
“He fell down, that’s all”
“What?? Varun fell down? How? Where? When?”
“Just now yaar. He fell down from his seat. Bugger must have had dreamed his girl.”
“Should have told ‘from the seat’ man.”

Talking to DSM, I was again falling for the charm of her again. She obliged me and I obliged her. I was asleep in the bonnet itself till the heat up my ---, woke me up again. But all it could inspire was to find a seat. When I woke up, we were in Kodai.

After locating Greenland Youth Hostel, the bus trip ended and it was a new beginning. The proper Kodai tour had just started.
The hostel was a proper hostel with double Decker beds. Big crowd, all people rying to adjust themselves. But it was really cold there. I could see vapors coming out of my mouth. Outside view from hostel was superb. (Click here and here also)
DSM announced, “Enjoy it the way you want, do whatever or whenever but be back to hostel in time.”

All tired, we walked outta hostel looking for a place to dine. We ended up in Hotel Punjab and so did another gang of our Day scholars. Rest went to Punjabi Dhaba.

HIV and Infants

2007-05-17T18:08:00.000+05:45

was in microbiology lab waiting for my smears to dry.

“After u finish staining the smears, come here.”

“Ok madam.” I replied..

“This was a specimen from CSF (Cerebro-spinal fluid) of a 9 month old baby. Initial biochemical tests were suggestive of Salmonella. I’ll be doin slide agglutination test to confirm it and type its serovar”

“Salmonella from CSF madam??”

Salmonella are bacterial generally found in gut. They cause many diseases like Typhoid (aka Enteric fever),para typhoid fever, Gastroenteritis (aka Salmonellosis) and infection in blood(Septicemia).I’d never heard of infection in CSF. CSF is considered most sterile among te sterile body fluid!

Ma’am told me that Salmonella from CSF are more often isolated from CSF then before from immuno-compromised infants. She also told me that 5 months back Salmonella was isolated from CSF in infant of HIV+ve mother and unfortunately the baby could not be saved despite treatment with broad spectrum antibiotic.

Slide agglutination confirmed Salmonella though the serovar would not be typed due to lack of a specific reagent. Antibiotic sensitivity plates were ready.

“Though the bacteria is sensitive to all the common antibiotics, start treatment with Ceftriaxone as it has better CSF penetration than others.” ma’am suggested the Pediatric Intern. “And if possible can u arrange for HIV screening for mother.” she continued.

HIV/AIDS itself doesn’t kill anyone. But it destroys the bodily defense against diseases leading to Immuno-deficiency. This facilitates the attack of other organisms and death ensues.

Infants and children have been most hard hit by this AIDS pandemic. They get the disease from their mom, if mom was infected before pregnancy and they are born defenseless against the relentless attack of microbes. With facilities available here they are born with life shorter than 3 years.

With advance care and facilities, vertical transmission (transmission from mother to child) of HIV can be brought to minimal by using drugs and many other precautions. But eventually they lose their parents to AIDS. With their care and management compromised, they grow up with nobody and most of them grow as nobody.

The only proven way to control this pandemic is Prevention and this needs awareness and attitude. Prevention is easy, simple and cheap. But unlike other disease preventions(vaccines) this ain't onetime in life..its rather every time in life.

There should be more awareness in the society and stigmas attached to it are to be removed. This will ensure at least a better and respected death for HIV patients and a better care for their younger ones. That’s all we can do till a proper drug becomes easily available to everybody.

Kodai Fotos/Day 1

2007-05-15T20:11:00.000+05:45

All the fun is in middle.. But Motte is conspicuously blocked..:-(

Kauvery.. ..

The sleeping heroz in (post lunch siesta)

Almost an hour after Dindigul..hill have already started.

Hills....

The road to Kodai...

View from Coakers' walk

And from The Youth hostel we lived

Again from the hostel

They are 2k5 Jippyz

And this is the ghost of 2k5 Jippyz.

Kodai Diaries Day 0

2007-05-15T18:35:00.000+05:45

March 4, 2007

Yesterday was pre-holi celebrations.. I went to the town and missed most of the stuffs. Kaptan’s sayariz were nice was al I heard. And I know for sure juniors skit was kool one. But later on,after pre-holi finished, I got in a faux after climbin the tree to keep Matka only to get stranded up there(due to indecision of our guys). And it became worst when flashes started lightening on my face from ground.

Today was holi. Hell lot of fun... When I was there, matka was already broken. But after that Muddy holi was a cool stuff to enjoy. Make a gang and catch hold of a guy and throw him in the muddy ditch!!
It then proceeded to Thinker’s Park and happened to be ‘Unthinkable’ amount of fun. And the rule of “No cloth in the trunk” (applicable to Ledaz only... N/A for lediez) rocked as it allowed us to tear ppl’s t-shirts and shirts. I tore around 7 shirts (and got mine also in return :-9)

Next to community hall.

Teachers’ holi was there. We all proceeded just the way we were in Thinker’s Park Holi with teachers will always be fun and so it was. The special was pouring color to Dr. Trakroo…
All colored.. in all possible colors possible. And after the colors got over. (Some guys took color from my body after that!!) and holi had to get over. A big dance with teachers to end the holi celebrations. Had there been proper electricity supply, it would have gone long. But so be it.
Though my body had become the source of color for some guys, it didn’t take much to clean it off coz I’d prepared for that with body oils. So half an hour long ablution and my skin was almost normal. And thus ended a gr888 holi.
But,Colors and celebration are over for other not for us. The ‘holi’days for are extended by 4 days at least. And this is for our class trip... After successful organization of The Satrang, our pre-holi celebrations all were geared up for the much anticipated class trip. Ala our seniors we’re going to Kodai but unlike many of them our batch will have lots’ ppl hopefully below 60 is what our Gen.sec aka Quuuuuitch was saying.
“Guys,Tmr bus’l b redy by 3am.B inda road@max by 330.If late den 345,sory2say bt we’ve2mis u inda trip.Passit2al2k5 guys” (Read it as “Guys, tomorrow bus will be ready by 3 am. Be in the road at maximum by 330.If late then 345,sorry to say but we have to miss u in the trip. Pass it to all 2005 guys) is the sms from our forwarder Magu. After all sms are free, so I passed on to many who later again passed it back to me.
I checked my list before sleeping. Everything ok.

Confusion

2007-05-15T18:19:00.000+05:45

This was a forward sent to me.. George Bush is talkin to Condalizza abt China..

George:Condalizza! nice to c u
Condalizza: sir i ve the report here about the new leader of china/
George: gr8. lay it out on me.
Condalizza:Hu is the new leader of china.
George: thats wat i want to know
Condalizza: thats wat i m tellin u .
George: thats wat im askin u . who is the new leader of china?
Condalizza: yes
George: i mean the fello s name.
Condalizza: hu
George : the new leader of china?
Condalizza: hu is the new leader of china.
George: now whaddya' askin me for?
Condalizza: i m telling u ahau is leading china.
George: well, i m asking u. who is leading china?
Condalizza: thats the man s name sir
George: thats whos name?
Condalizza: yes
George:will u or will u not tell me the name of the new leader of china?
Condalizza: yes sir.
George: yassir????yassir arafai is in china? i thut he was in middle eastCondalizza:thats correct
George:then who is in china?
Condalizza: yes sir.
George: yassir is in china?
Condalizza: no sir.
George:look i need to know the name of leader of china. get me the
secretary general of the un on the phone.
Condalizza: Kofi?
George: no thanx
Condalizza: u want kofi?
George: no
Condalizza: u don want kofi.
George: no but now that u mention ot. i cud use a glass of milk and then get
me the UN.
Condalizza: yes sir.
George: no yassir! the guy at the un.
Condalizza: kofi??
George: milk! will u pls make the call?
Condalizza: and call who?
George: who is the guy at the un ?
Condalizza: hu is the guy in china.
George: will u pls stay out of china?
Condalizza : yes sir .
George :and stay out of the middle east!jus get the guy at un.
Condalizza: kofi?
George: alright . with cream and two sugars . now get on the phone.
(Condalizza picks up the phone}
Condalizza: rice here.
George: rice?good idea and a couple of egg rolls too. may be we shud send some guyz in china and the middle east. can u get chinese food in the middle east?

Mothers Day

2007-05-14T18:42:00.001+05:45

Yesterday...International Mothers Day. And when i greeted her, she didnt understand why coz its the first time I had greeted her on English calendar basis.
We have our own "आमाको मुख हेर्ने दिन"('Look@ur Mother Day' becomes the literal translation)in our calendar and that was the one we have been celebrating all those years....But anyday it may be, I will have no fuss celebrating it for such a great lady...It has been 5 years living far from home and far from her. And it was the Sixth time I'd to greet her in phone. So al I could do was to ask my sister to act on my behalf also.
It aint nice living away from home but gotta do..cant help.

I turned to music for my solace. And this song of Nepathya caught me.

आमा.

I wonder if any of u have listened to this song..but it goes like this..

आमा हुन साह्रै असजिलो छ
पहाड् जस्तै...
उचाइमा पुगेर मैदान भै'दिनु पर्ने
मैदानमा पुगेर उक्कालो भै'दिनु पर्ने

सन्तानहरु कहाँ पुग्छन्
खोलाहरु जस्तै
सपनाहरु कहाँ पुग्छन्
स्वछन्द् चराहरु जस्तै..
आमाहरु.....
पहाड् छेउको चौतारी हुन अभिशप्त छन्

आमा हुन अफ्ठारो छ
आमा हुन पहाड हुनु जस्तै गार्हो छ।

Really its tough being mother. The line
"आमाहरु.....
पहाड् छेउको चौतारी हुन अभिशप्त छन्"
has touched me the most. The lone chautari which shelters ppl in the night and heat only to see them go away when time becomes favorable for them has been nice metaphor for the ever waiting mother.

But for the time being all i can do is helplessly sing the song and tel my mom I love you and I care for u..

Kodai Diaries/Background

2007-05-11T21:30:00.000+05:45

Last march,we went to Kodaikonal..the famous hillstation inSouth India. More than 60 ppl of our batch..we had hell lot of fun.. those 4 days i we all forgot that we were medical students.a fter all who will even think of hell when in heaven:-)
Those four days will some some of the most reasured time later on..of which all of us are sure..
Previous to the day we embarked we had Pre-holi celebrations, organised by our batch. So our We were continuing our 'holi'days..the days of enjoyment. So after holi,all we did was pack the stuffs for Kodai.. In the stuff I also packed a diary..but i had to make sure to prevent it from searchin eyes of ppl like Cheenu aka MrQuu. I usually write in Nepali in my diaries but this time my english diary was the one goin for the trip. And I dont want it to be read aloud infront of ppl.
And it reached Kodai safely.
We were living in a hostel..Greeland Youth Hostel. It was just like a hostel. A big room and tall beds.. It would be tough to stay undetected of writing from ppl..First day tired i didn write anything..but next day i managed to write for the day gone....it had to be in short and encrypted(not totally coz twas in english only). But it was moreover like a list of activity and incidents.
Remaining days also it went like that..

The posts are the modifed(made readable) versions of the Kodai diaries I havd maintained(more appropriately I'd tried to maintain). And the fotos we took in Kodai are also there.. iwill try to upload them..

How to irritate a doctor

2007-05-10T19:20:00.000+05:45

This was sent to me by our HOD of Dept of Physiology. Really funny.. Enjoy..but pls don do it to any doctor!!!

U don't want this to happen with ur doctor right??

So here is now..how to irritate the doctor..

A man comes running to the doctor shouting and
screaming in pain "Please doctor, you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."

DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."

MAN: "You will never find that bee. It must be miles away by now."

DOCTOR: "No, you don't understand! I'll put some
cream on the place you were stung."

MAN: "Oh! It happened in the garden where I was
sitting under a tree."'

DOCTOR (in anger): "No, no, you IDIOT! I mean on which part of your body did that bee sting."
MAN (still screaming in pain): "On my finger! The bee stung me on my finger and it really hurts."

DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting):
"Which one?"

MAN (innocently): "How am I to know? All bees look the same to me."

मेरो आकाश बदलिएछ

2007-05-05T19:46:00.000+05:45

धेरै बर्ष पहिले जस्तै
आज मैले आकाश हेरे
शीतल् बतास
टाढा कतै जलिरहेका बत्तीहरु
कुकुरको भुकाइ
झ्याउँकिरी को झ्याउँझ्याउँहरु
सबै उस्तै छन्
मेरो आकाश बदलिएछ

आँखा खोली सपनीमा

ताराबीच खेल्थे म त

एउटा तारा आर्को तारा

पिङ् मा झै झुल्थे म त

आज फेरी आँखा खोल्दा

सबै तारा हराएका

टुक्रिएका सपनामात्रै

मलाई हेरी टोलएका

फिँजिएका आकाश भरि

टिँपु अब म कसरी

हात मेरा काटिएका

विवशतासँग साटिएका

काला काला रातमा

उजेला ति ताराहरु

हराएका सपनाका

अविछिन्न पाराहरु

मेरो सपना भत्किएछ

जुन र ताराहरुबीच

मेर सपना सारा थिए

तिनलाई त्यहाँ नपाउँदा

मैले अश्रुधारा पिए

मेरो आकाश बदलिएछ

Med Ed and the Change

2007-04-24T16:47:00.000+05:45

All of the 68 students entered a hall,hustling and bustling. Hall is big enough to accommodate them, also because its empty excepting two tables in the center and one or two in the corners. On one of the table lies our (specimen??) of the day, roughly 12 years old boy..lying dead.
Cause of death=RTA (Road traffic accident).
All are rushing towards the table to get a closer view..pushing and pulling. Some are elbowin their way inside while some just try and give up.
Dr. Ambroise asks “Any one interested in forensic medicine?” The crowd goes silent except for the constitutive murmurs.
“Anyone interested to do it?”

Though I felt like raising my hands, I didn’t. And as always it has been in our class, it was kousalya.
Abdomen was already dissected out and skull was broke open. Dr. Ambroise showed us the external features. “It was a death due to RTA, sever internal injuries and hemorrhage as you can see it after a while. As a matter of fact in internal injuries u don’t see any obvious external injuries or mark.” Then he joined the dissected scalp.
There was a sleepin boy, not more than 12 years, didn’t felt dead or anything at all. He looked just fine except he was asleep. But right below his face,from the neck it was dissected upto the abdomen. I turn to see the scalp which now has been pulled down to cover his face. Skull was finely sawed exposing the brain.
Autopsy started with midline dissection upto the pubic bone. Chest was already open but the rib cage was stil intact. Opening of chest was less like a medico legal procedure and more of butchering. The smell of the flesh (I still can feel it in the air), the blood and the clots.
I look around,..every one is busy in their own way. Most are observing it keenly, many are talking. Some are still tryin for a better view by pushin and pullin. Some are just goin around the hall seein wat all makes it a autopsy room.
But no one readily expresses the feelings. We are forbidden to do so coz we were there as students whose sole purpose was to learn.
I had fainted four years back seein myself bleed and three years back seein a fellow Nepali chopped in Iraq. And it was again me who vehemently argued with a doctor for taking me seriously. But today, I stand here stoic, not moved at all, sharing a bits and pieces of jokes while watchin the autopsy goin on. I go to the wards and see the patients but when I talk about them with my seniors or colleagues..they are the cases!!!
“Did u see the SSPE case in the ward?”, “I saw a Duodenal perforation case and he gives the classical history” etc are the way we look upon them.

I still remember when I saw a first dead body. He had died of bullet injuries sustained durin the gloomy days of insurgency. I remember his relatives cryin and wailin. His wife and son were unconscious for one or two hours. Same must be the case with the boy today. But it doesn’t touch me anymore. I see people in pain, people crying, people dying. But today, I stand here stoic, not moved at all, sharing a bits and pieces of jokes while watchin the autopsy goin on.

This is what medical education has made me.
By no way, am I advocating for the Munnabhai MBBS therapyz coz this is the only me that can withstand the job.Also I firmly believe A patient with TB, if treated can be treated only with AntiTubercular Therapy..not with any songs and jokes. Still the old me pokes me sometimes and askes me "What happend to the old fainting You?"
Med Ed and the Changes is al I can whisper.

Phulchowki

2007-01-22T18:11:00.001+05:45

February was ruling for past 10 days. Temperature had hit its nadir with just mercury managing few degrees above ice point. Valley was still ok but the surrounding hills were embellished in all white. And our tetrad was on the way to kiss on and play with the beauty of snow clad hills. We were heading towards Godavari. Godavari is a beautiful village located on the laps of tall Phulchowki. Botanical garden, only marble mine of Nepal and spiny babbler (a bird found only in Godavari) are the synonymous with Godavari; but for today more than anything its base camp of Phulchowki.

We were told 4hrs uphill trek to reach snow. And without any delay, we passed by LaxmiNarayan Mandir and started upwards. For this week in a year Phulchowki is densely populated, remaining 50 wks it's ruled by wild boars leopards and their kin.

All of us were in high spirit as nobody had ever played with snow. But after one hour the spirit was set to break. Sabin suddenly started feeling nauseous, dizzy and had breathlessness. On logic of having better 'hilly' experience, I'd to be with my sick friend while Ramesh and Santo will continue. We couldn’t go back to drop my friend as we were already 1hrs above Godavari. Only thing I could do was take care of Sabin i.e. pull him uphill, carry him(if necessary),take break every 5min for his rest and feed him with some stuffs we brought(obviously I'd to carried them).

And thus we (I and Sabin; Ramesh and Santo were far ahead, maybe somewhere amidst snow) continued. One hour and we'd crossed only the length which we would have crossed in 30-35 minutes. But on other hand my friend was getting better (I still have no idea how altitude sickness waned on climbing).That one hour, though, I made some use by looking at fairer sex walking alongside. Everybody was busy with themselves and we were very slow to keep up along with people.

I was walking a minute ahead of Sabin. A ditch was formed by water flowing down from melting snow above. It was big enough and very muddy. I realized I not only had to cross but also make my convalescing friend cross it. I some how crossed it and was waiting for Sabin.

Suddenly my eyes received SOS calls from nearby. For my delightment the calls were from 3 ladies, all of my age. Waving her mudded hand, one of them came to me.
"We could not cross the ditch, rather slipped twice," pointing to her mudded hand she continued," Can u help us cross it?"
"Oh, ya. Why not?" was all I could reply.
And I crossed back happily and pulled her across the ditch. I don’t know how I managed to cross it with out slipping, but slipping in mud in that point of time would have been the worst thing possible. May be I wasn’t cursed for such worse moment coz I did it thrice, with out slipping. And each time “Thanks a lot” would be whispered in my ears but the first one was ringing for long. It was very sweet.

Sabin was watching all those from other side of ditch, with out disturbing my altruist act.
“Hey no. I’ll try myself” Sabin said for my hands and some how he also managed to cross it.

“Can we introduce ourselves?” I asked.
“Sure, I’m Swikreety, she’s Smita and she’s Aastha”
“Thanks. I’m Rupak and he’s Sabin” was my reply.
“We can continue upward together right?”
“Who knows how many ditches are ahead. So we don’t mind at all” Aastha said.
And we continued upwards or towards the snow.
“I’d thought we’d never be able to cross the ditch” Swikreety said.
“Thank God I came in time to rescue u people”
“Obviously He deserves lots thanks”
“And I don’t?”
“I didn’t mean that. How can I be so mean? Thank u a lot and lots”
“And my friend also should thank God” Sabin intercepted.
“Ya... I’d. I thank God for…….”
“Putting us in trouble with the damned ditch” before I could finish Smita told.
“Not only for that but also for the sequences that preceded and succeeded”.
“Don’t u need to thank God for this?” Aastha asked Swikreety.
“And you are doing it. Your smile says it all.” she continued. Swikreety was really smiling beside me.

And we all started our upward trek. Sabin was happy to have two while i was in world of my own for being with Swikreety. And little did it take fro us to walk separately also because a silent pact of not intruding into other's business was signed between my and Sabin's eyes. And by sometime they were walking a minute ahead of us and I was happy to get a minute more with her. Walking together for sometime, I discovered many things about her. But the most striking thing I found in her eyes and lips. Déjà vu?? The smiles emanating from her shivering lips seemed known for long, the joy expressed in her pupils seemed shared for long. Despite all these I couldn't resist looking back to her dark black eyes and shivering lips.

“Why u looking at me like this.”
“Coz you are a bliss to watch and I can do it forever.” I replied.
“Then, you should not look at me like this”
“Why?”
“A moment of bliss is not joy forever”
“I don’t think Keats said it this way”
“This aint Keats. Its Swikreety”
“Ha ha ha”
“Whats funny in this?”
“Nothing.. Jus felt like laughing”

Though I never felt, my watch said we were walking together for more than 2 hours. It was second strange feeling I'd today after the déjà vu. Far ahead I could see 3 people waving at us & they were standing on snow. I was happy also because Ramesh and Santo weren't there.

"Have you ever been to snow before?"
"No, have you?"
"Neither me.”
"So we will enjoy for the first time together.” she continued.
"Definitely"

“It’s already 5:00. I think we’d enough of fun in the snow for today. We should rush down,” said Sabin.
But I was not willing. I did not want the moment of bliss to end.

“Downhill is quite easy job. We can reach Godavari much faster than it took to come up.
“But it is already 5”
“Even I think its time to go back” said Aastha.
“It’ll be late & we may not get any vehicles.” It was Smita.
“Let’s go now. Come on” Swikreety said holding my hand.
Every good moment has to come to its end. I consoled myself. But I was wrong. We were going down hand in hand now.
“Look how dark it becomes at 5 during February” she said to me still holding my hand. “Yup” I nodded. It was really dark, much darker than I’d imagined. I’d not realize it.
“I am experiencing many new things and it is one of them” I told myself and kept on my trip downhill.

Sabin, Aastha and Smita were few yards ahead of us. They were walking faster, almost like running. We were on our self defined fast pace, just managing to keep up with our friends. I wasn’t bothered to keep very near to them and she also seemed content walking with me. Suddenly all of them stopped and looked back for us.
“We are trying to keep up with u people. You can continue. We won’t be left.” I shouted at them.
But they didn’t reply. I hadn’t expected it.
“Is everything ok?”
They all nodded.
“Then?” Swikreety asked.
By now we were near them and I realized what had happened. We had come to the same ditch. They were pointing at it. But the ditch was much smaller than we’d experienced it some hours earlier. We could cross it very easily.
“I think the ditch was there to trouble us” Aastha said.
“But that was not bad at all for Swikreety. What u say my dear?” Smita asked her.
I could see the dazzling smile emanating from her face. I don’t have any words to describe how I felt then. But time was running out and we hurried down. Slippery trail, inside jungle at dusk, 5 young people. It looked difficult to reach down in time. But when hand in hand people claim to lift the world, there was no way we couldn't make it in time. We reached Godavari in our self stipulated time of 1800 hrs, hand in hand!!!

Microbuses were plying on the route to Lagankhel. Amidst the crowd and chaos, we managed seats for all at the back. I and Swikreety were still together but now she was seated beside me. I could look at her more carefully than ever before.

Round face glowing like a full moon, long black hair falling down from her head, dark eye brows separating wide forehead and beautiful, sparkling blue eyes, fair and lovely cheeks, soft pink lips presenting a dazzling smile. And my eyes were magic spelt by her. Unable to pull them back, I repeated once again.Round face glowing like a full moon, long black hair falling down from her head, dark eye brows separating wide forehead and beautiful, sparkling blue eyes, fair and lovely cheeks, and soft pink lips presenting a dazzling smile; she was like an angel with out wings. She looked more beautiful then earlier.

“Why u looking at me like this.” The magic spell was interrupted by her words.
“Coz you are a bliss to watch and I can do it forever.” I replied.
“Then, you should not look at me like this”
“Why?” I asked her.
“A moment of bliss is not joy forever”
“But it’s a moment of bliss we live for”
“Ha ha ha”
“Anything funny?”
“No. Just felt like laughing.”
“Mocking me??”
“Yes”

My experiencing with relativity was continuing: half an hour had passed and we were in Lagankhel. This was our departure point. We’d to take different buses now.

"May be we can exchange or phone numbers,” I proposed.
"Definitely” and she scribbled her number in my palm.
“Hope I won’t forget u,” I said jokingly.
“I won’t let u forget me,” she whispered in my ear.
It circulated new doses on elation on me. But before I was down from cloud nine, my angel with out wings had waved goodnight and disappeared in the crowd.

Back in my room, I was very tired but elated. I had just caught my phone to call her. To my astonishment, she was on the other side. What a coincidence?

“Hello”
“Rupak, I’m here. Reached home”
“I was called by name. it sounded wonderful, isn’t it?” I asked myself.
“It’s really wonderful.” She said.
“What?”
“I called you and you received it without ringing. Its wonderful, isn’t it?”
“It is definitely”

It had been 10 days since we last saw each other. But it was gonna be over that day. I was going for my first (date??) But I was going to meet her in Jeans Café. But it was not scripted that way for me.
“Call from Smita” said by bro.
“Hi dear, how you?”
She was sobbing. My heart missed a beat to think what made such jolly girl weep. But before I could think or say any, she told.

Nothing seemed striking to my ears, nothing came to my mind, I was just blank. My world had become black. I was rushing to hospital. When I reached hospital, my cheeks were already drenched. Saw Smita near Emergency Block. I remembered being led into a house away from the main hospital.
There lied my Swikreety. Round face glowing like a full moon, long black hair falling down from her head, dark eye brows separating wide forehead and beautiful, sparkling blue eyes, fair and lovely cheeks, soft pink lips presenting a dazzling smile.

“Why u looking at me like this?”
“Coz you are a bliss to watch and I can do it forever.” I replied.
“Then, you should not look at me like this”
Why?” I asked her.
“A moment of bliss is not joy forever”

Smita was weeping. Somewhere between I heard, “She’d gone to NewRoad to get concert tickets for two. A speeding taxi……”

It has been 3 yrs since. My life has changed but you. I feel you in the sun, I feel you in the moon; I feel you in the sea, I feel you in me. I feel your presence here, there and everywhere. But I never found you. I won’t either. You were right dear “A moment of bliss isn’t joy forever.”